Swanky's Newsletter - 10

news headlines

DATS RATED GREATEST OF ALL TIME
The impervious, immortal DATS netball team won last nights Division 2 Grand Final with ease, with the winning margin well over 15 goals by the final hooter. Seconds after the win John Howard rang the DATS skipper Kat Parker to congratulate the team and to reinforce the fact that is clear to everyone that this team is the best sporting team this country has ever produced.

The star studded crowd which exceeded capacity were a touch nervous at quarter time when the DATS lead by only one goal, but the crowds fears were soon put to rest as they soon displayed their hollywood style glitzy skills to overwhelm their hapless opponents. It is believed this star studded unit will again line up for more silverware in the up coming roster next January.

WEEKLY VOTES - S.P.R.O.G medal
3 - Lesa / Kat / Lozza / Sara / Jay
2 - Toby
1 - crowd

Leaderboard at the half way mark.
Voting will continue after the Xmas break.
kat - 13
jay - 10
boy - 9
lesa - 8
lozza - 7
diss - 6
sara - 6
toddy - 5
jodie - 4
jeevesy - 3
snowy - 2
swanky - 2
toby - 2
gurus dog - 1
crowd - 1
lisa - 0
greg - minus 2

Please note regular segments - Dear Swanky / Hot Goss / & the Great Parker Debate will continue after Xmas break.

BONUS ADDITION

HISTORY OF THE DATS AND ALL THE STATS AND PROFILES
The history of this dynasty dates way back to October 2006. During this historic period of time DATS founder Kat Parker aligned her fledgling team with the Rebel Empire which spawned the most powerful of teams. So powerful in fact that they have never been beaten and have won every trophy worth winning in the world of netball.

Little known fact is that the team is not named after loveable drunk father Greg "DATS" Doherty. It takes its name from Boy "genius" Claridge who put a lot of thought into the differences between males and females and thought for this mixed team to have complete harmony they must be joined as one and therefore were named - D#cks And T#ts (D.A.T's).

PROFILES
Kat Parker - Captain. Fearless leader who put the fear of God into her opponents.
Boy claridge - The human jumping jack. The team feeds of this super athletes energy.
Clint Distol - Mr.Reliable. Recovered from a sickening netball to the head midseason to star in defence.
Lesa Alexander - Recruited from South Africa. Has become one of the all time star shooters with limitless range.
Jay Morgan - easily won rookie of the year. A 20 year preseason proved vital and her courage was never questioned.
Sara Hess - Former Parrots super star had no problem fitting in to this line up. Expected to be named GK of the century.
Lozza Shultz - Recruited from the national team, mastered the Kim Cljsters splits and can play any position and dominate.
Swanky Morgan - teamed well with his fellow defenders.
Toddy Aidsclown - 10 foot tall unstoppable shooter. Hopefully he can stay with the DATS and not go to the country leagues for big coin.
Jodie gilmore - season cut short by injury and suspension. Is still viable force in league if her body excepts her paper mache legs and the ball comes to her, jodie does not come to the ball.

STATS
leaders>goals / percentage
Toddy 5495 ( 3.73%)
Lesa 128 ( 99.7%)
Lozza 128 ( 96.2%)

steals
boy 437
kat 28
Jay 24

rebounds out of defence
Sara 968
Swanky 423
Distol 28

dirty fouls
kat 35928460384565034

Well thats it until after Xmas. Hopefully see you all before Xmas and at the Taste of the World at Swanky pier. I would like to thank and wish my staff here at Swanky Media all the best over the festive period. So happy Xmas, Heath.